We’re a “.com startup”
Featured Pro Tip
*Discover your inner Hindenburg*
*Make failure fun again!*
Success-challenged Joe: I’m undecided, should I wallow in this prospect-free zone, or find some way out? What’s your advice?
Mary: Are you happy without prospects? If so, cue up another cat video! If not, click here to find your way back to solutions targeting your success.
Confused Jane: How does finding prospects affect my bottom line? Also, I’m not sure if I want to lose my Hamster Points.
Mary: HamsterSpot Points have no value in the real world, just saying. FINDING prospects is half the battle. Your bottom line will improve only after you’ve NURTURED and CONVERTED prospects.
Click here to Learn More
[ Hamster “Spot” Featured Article]
- 10 Easy Ways to Lose Your Valuable Prospects
(And pump up your Hamster Points!)*
By Tai Tanic
- *Earn points and party like it’s 1999!
Remain happily marooned on this classy, timeless web page. Come for the gifs and plethora of fonts, stay for the pithy word smithing and swanky animated sponsor ads!
Or leave this island of questionable design now while you still can! GET OUT
Don’t listen to your prospective buyers’ needs and interests on their journey when you could spend the day at the mall perusing gadgets, luggage and denim jackets.
Stay clear of all meaningful statistics. Watch more cat videos.
They’re SO cute! Or have faith that you can always turn back to cat videos AFTER doing what you can to secure customers. DEFER CAT VIDEO GRATIFICATION NOW
Don’t fret about critical business solutions like Lead Generation and Omni-Channel Marketing while the sublime motions of dancing hamsters calls out to you.
Or shimmy back over to an enterprise with more lasting reward Click for lasting rewards
How about nurturing your prospects? Nah! Watch Rick Rolls instead and soak up the schadenfreude.
Or you could snap free of the vortex Click Here
Don’t let you or your company be discovered by your prospective buyers’ research efforts when instead you could be doing your own research for that ultimate bruschetta recipe.
Or you could leave that in the era to which it belongs Create something meaningful
Allow the oddly compelling pull of spam to help you invest in a foreign dictator’s plot to reverse the tragic coup against his royal family. You will be richly rewarded!
Or spend your time wisely. Click here to STAY WISE
And what about good ole fashioned Thought Leadership? Meh! Why waste precious brain power on that when you can just as easily waste it playing DOOM on your Game Boy!
Or you could differentiate yourself with the power of thought leadership. CLICK HERE FOR THOUGHT LEADERSHIP
Make sure to avoid leveraging any valued content like white papers or webinars which could contribute to your success in the market. Instead follow click bait down the rabbit hole.
Or you could click on the following link and become a content-leveraging ninja.
Do what you can to ensure that your prospective buyer can’t find a good reason to choose you during their final decision making process. Consider not returning calls or emails! If you must reply, then deploy the following phrase: “Nevermind, I’m good.”
Or you can discover how to dramatically increase your chances of being chosen. GET SELECTED
But wait there’s more!
- Here’s your made-it-to-the-end BONUS tip! To avoid success, simply DO NOT click the link below. It’s that easy!
Or you could unlock the secrets of success through Lead Generation and so much more! You’ll be dancing for joy. Contact the people that can help CLICK HERE TO ESCAPE
This text is not important, not in the least, but we needed to put something here to keep our high-paid art director from freaking out. We’re sure he won’t notice. Thank you!
CAUTION: Clicking on the link above will most likely cause you to reach your best prospects with editorial or custom content created by Ziff Davis B2B subject matter experts (SMEs)!